I have read a lot of posts concerning the unpleasant thoughts about needing to expose trauma facts for your t, although I hope this is simply not totally mad. I am dealing with the opposite.
I’ve several ‘issues’ that I’m aware of from an emotionally/verbally abusive step father to an adult that I trusted in high-school as a maternal figure that later confirmed she had different suggestions for your connection… And what’s daily becoming more of a guarantee that I’ve repressed very early abuse (I’ve always had risks but am not experiencing his I want to talk, but cannot and my style in my own brain which isnot pleasant exchange of words)… I’ve NEVER told details of some of this stuff. I’ve stated to two individuals who “something” happened with this particular person I trusted which was the level. I am plagued by photos, short video in my mind of the ones from the now these comments of what I think.
Does this seem sensible to EVERYONE? I know I would be VERY embaressed to state the things I expect it isnot something sick making me need and I’d have to to… But I’m worried we shall spend years since he thinks I’m afraid, tiptoeing round the details and I am desperately attempting to pour the beans. I wish I can tell him this, but it isn’t allowed.
I am working together with a t and have discovered that I can not tell him SOMETHING if he doesn’t ask directly. I’ve told him this and he is proficient at looking to ask me questions. The problem is, I can also not tell him what to ask. I understand it could seem totally ridiculous, however it is similar to I’m prohibited to only openly tell things but I am permitted to answer. He’s gone backandforth about ‘handling’ stress and after that I believe I’m so silent about things happening he does not think they are and starts to believe we must get another way. I get so angry when I hear him wish to quit hope about ever getting relief and obtain quite depressed and speak about not addressing the trauma especially. I cannot tell him that although it is like I KNOW I’ve to obtain these details out. I think he is also worried I can’t manage working with the stress immediately because of my panic disorder, but I donot understand how to transform any of this. He talks about injury as possible and attempting to do it with as small detail and that I have read about all these new techniques to cope with PTSD without detailed processing, but I want it so bad.